Having posted here on this blog the 2 writings that would eventually lead me to what I have been doing for the past 4 1/2 years, I felt this blog would be the perfect place to recap this journey that has been part of my life now for the past nearly 5 years.
I am going to share with you some stories and some photos I have not shared before, in hopes that it will bring understanding, as well as make everybody think about how we treat one another.
My life changed drastically on June 25th, 2009. Many people's did. But my life changed in a different way.
Shortly thereafter. I felt a definite calling of the spiritual kind, to take definitive action. To do something that would show the world the truth...to show the world who this man was that had been so vehemently lied about prior to his death with the lies continuing fiercely after his demise.
I have written before about this process, about the spiritual elements involved, about the very spiritual and powerful experiences I had while creating the Reflections on the Dance website.
When I look back on the last 4 1/2 years, it is with a mix of emotion. It has come time, to talk about this in hopes that it will wake us up to what we do to one another and bring about positive change.
What started out as a journey that came deeply from my own heart and that was sparked in the Heavenly realm, became something that I look back on sometimes fondly, with humility as I remember the blessings, and sometimes with sadness and at times, even horror, at all that has taken place.
When I undertook this journey in July of 2009, I knew that it was not going to be easy and was going to bring with it HUGE challenges. I remember feeling in my spirit a sense that God was saying to me "Something HUGE is about to happen and you must be strong." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew I had to go forward with it because I was being called to do so....but I admit that at times it made me shake in my boots.
I was never a "public person". I am a writer by trade and have interviewed other celebrities as well as doing various other genres of writing, but I was not used to my name being more public.
When the website came out, it was met with so much love...from MJ fans, from the public. People were learning the truth and it reached around the globe very quickly without my having to do anything other than posting it on Facebook. Within a few short hours, the site was being seen around the globe, in every continent and country. It was being seen in the English Parliament, the US Government offices, in the middle east, and every place in between. That's God at work.
My goal always was to bring out what God wanted me to bring out...the truth, about Michael Jackson. This was never about me. Only about God, and one of His children, Michael.
As time went on, I met and/or spoke with many people who knew Michael Jackson. Some who had worked with him, some who had been close and personal friends. I was told that Reflections on the Dance was TRUTH....and that made me very emotional as it confirmed to me that God had brought me the right information and the right people, as I would not have been able to portray this man that I had never met, in the way that I did, without Divine intervention. Michael's family was shown the ROTD website through some of these people. I made a lot of new friends...and, at the same time, some enemies.
The more the website was out there, the more contacts I received constantly, with people asking me to help them with their projects. Early on, I felt God had told me that the website must stand on it's own, that I was not to collaborate but to do this mission and then to move forward. It wasn't about me. This was not always looked upon favorably by others (bloggers, others who ran sites, etc.) because they felt that I was being standoffish. But that was never my intention. My sole intention was to do as God asked me to do, and that was all.
Back towards the end of 2011, I was asked to be part of a charity project. I believed from my heart that the person had true intentions and a true heart for Michael and felt I should help. This was a well known person who had worked with tons of famous clients, including Michael. I had no real reason to doubt. But went against my better judgment and against what I had felt God had directed me about. This turned out to be a mistake.
I worked for 4 months straight, 10-12 hours a day, with the promise of being paid for creating the website for this project, once it launched. While Reflections on the Dance has always been non-profit, additional work I do I must take on as paying projects as I cannot work without pay just as any of you cannot on a regular basis. My husband and I pay $1200 a year to keep the website running and online. I was never paid for any of that work and though this person pulled out practically unscathed by allowing me to be the fall guy, it got very fierce for me.
Note to self...giving and helping is one thing. Giving of your heart with the naive thought that everyone else's intentions are as upright as you hope is a no-no.
When this project went belly up due to the promises made to me not being followed through,in addition to fans coming up with and distributing false information without the full facts, about the project, things went bad, quickly.
Lies began to circulate fiercely, along with extreme internet bullying and a fierce smear campaign.
During this time my name and reputation were smeared all over the place and people who did not know me, and just went by what they had heard about me, were saying the most awful things. I was constantly being harrassed and bullied and even people I had thought were friends, attacked.
I knew that my intentions were honest, but no matter what I said or shared or the questions I tried to answer, nothing was good enough. I couldn't get clear answers from the person whose project it was and was left to handle all of the fallout with no answers. I was hired to partner with, but had limited information on the details. My job was to create the website and let the fans know about it, and I was assured everything was on the up and up throughout.
I was beginning to clearly see why God had given me the trepidation about what would come once the site went live and I also began to clearly see why God had given me the directive of the site standing alone and not getting involved in other projects in regards to the website and the subject matter.
During this time, I dropped 20 pounds within about 2 weeks time. Below are some photos from that time. I became skeletal. Lost my appetite. I thought I would end up in the hospital. I was quite ill.
Lies are powerful. Lies can kill the spirit and the body. We knew that was true about Michael Jackson, but we hadn't yet learned the lesson as we continued to turn around and do the same to others. Not only to me...this continued and still continues to this day, even within the fan community itself. A place that should know the lessons of Michael's life, by heart.
The photo above clearly shows how skinny I had gotten. I had no body fat, at all. You can see how thin and bony my arms, wrists and hands were. My family was worried. People I hadn't seen in a while were asking me if I was seriously ill. I was very slight and if I turned to the side, it looked as if there was nothing to me.
These are not photos I have shared before, but felt it was important to show the TRUTH about the damage we can do to one another with our lies, suppositions and a desire to want to bring others down because we want to believe the worst or feel we can reach higher, or that we can feel better about ourselves, if we bring someone else down. Even if it means lying.
This is not a becoming picture, but shows very clearly how in a couple of weeks time, not only did I lose a ton of weight and my appetite, but I went about 50% gray. We've all heard about how stress can turn hair gray. Well, it's the truth.
This was extreme stress. The people who were lying thought it was a game, thought it was funny, thought it was somehow their mission to say or insinuate things about me that weren't true. They thought it was their way to elevate by bringing someone else down. Some honestly doubted my honest intentions and felt that this was just the "evidence" they had been waiting for.
Fast forward to the healing process, which I have written about before and shared links to. This healing took TIME. My life had to be put on hold even more than it had been as I gave all of my time, attention, effort and help to who I was able to, once the site launched in October 2009.
Because of all of this, I decided to close down the ROTD FB page and to move forward in different ways as I was finding that the community that so embraced the website and what I was doing, was so quick to turn on me because of false information. Or at least a segment of that community. There are of course many loving people with good intentions and honest and pure hearts.
Despite the good and the fact that those with ill intentions were a small portion of the community population....I felt betrayed. By those I tried to help, by the person who had put me in that position. I had given everything for this project and the treatment I was receiving was just unbelievable to me. I was upset at times at God because I had done all He had asked me to do and I could not understand how He would allow such treatment to come at me, falsehoods, lies, character assassination, after I had heeded His call.
We had learned over and over that when you have pure intentions to do good, that people will try to find something wrong with you and they will look for it with abandon until they find something, even a lie, to prove their point.
I just didn't think that the very people who had seen that happen to Michael Jackson, would turn around and do that to me after how much I had given to show the truth about this man. It wasn't so much just what was done to me, but the sadness of how Michael's message, still wasn't being heard, or understood or truly put into practice.
I won't lie. I was hurt. I was tired. I was 2 1/2 years into this and the love turned to bullying and hate. It was disappointing. I wasn't sure if I was to continue the calling. I had many people who were asking me not to quit, and, for the sake of feeling that the Facebook page and the help was still needed, I still tried to keep giving, despite my own misgivings.
This was a definite low in my life and something that I will admit, was not easy to recover from. It made me realize just how difficult it was for Michael Jackson to keep coming back from so many lies, again and again. I was so disheartened. I truly only wanted the truth out there about Michael. The site and nothing I did, was ever about me. It was always about Michael, God, and the Truth.
I would be lying if I didn't say that at times, I have looked back and wondered if it was all worth it. I know the website has affected many and that it helped to change the opinions of many, about a man who was so vehemently lied about throughout his life and even in death. I know that is a true blessing and I'm humbled that God called me to, and allowed me to, do this. But it has not been without much blood, sweat and tears, and a LOT of pain. More so than most of you will ever know.
Fast forward to mid-summer of this year. I had finally recovered and was beginning to embrace life again. I was writing, I was feeling better and getting back into a groove.
Out of the blue, I was approached to be part of a show. First asked to be the creative assistant, and then co-producer. I hesitated, seriously, on this. This was not connected to the website and it was a tribute show, but again, that same subject matter again. I felt called to be there, even if for a short time, because I truly felt that God wanted me to share some things with people who needed to hear it.
But once again, I found myself in a situation where I had worked my butt off for someone else for 3 1/2 months this time, only to once again have what was originally discussed, changed and not being paid yet again for months of work. The way I was treated and spoken to, was inexcusable. The things I put up with, including some really nasty talk, again, inexcusable. But it's not my intention to go into any of this in detail, other than to say, that I felt like, once again, I had allowed my desire to help and to give when I was asked, to help to further clear Michael name and pay tribute to him (until I found out that this was not going to be the case, and that what had been discussed and agreed upon, was never the intention, or, was changed along the way) to once again pull me away from the direction that God wanted me to go in.
I knew very clearly when God told me that my work with the continuation of Reflections on the Dance, was done. But in many ways, this also means a tearing away in other respects.
This does not mean that I don't still stand for the truth about Michael Jackson. ROTD will always remain as it was a project that I feel was given to me by Almighty God (and no, this doesn't make me better in any way....God gives us all things to do, it's whether or not we are listening and heed the call, that makes the difference.).
It is due to all of this, that I will not be involved in anything else.
Many still approach me to be involved in their projects or to be involved in different ways in the fan community. I cannot.
I hope that, after sharing my story, it will be very clear as to why I have to move forward and move in new directions. Why I am not as involved in the fan community at large. Why I cannot and will not be involved any further in any other projects that come up.
I have given all that I have via Reflections on the Dance and it is time for me to move forward and to go in new directions that God has for me.
If God sees fit, then projects I have had in the works before all of this happened, will still come out as time permits and as God chooses. But any outside projects, any fan projects, any shows, any charity events, I cannot be involved in.
As you might imagine, all of this has taken a toll on my life, my time and even at times, my health.
What I truly wish is that in all of that, that something good comes out of it and people continue to learn the truth about a man who was vehemently lied about, and truly learn the LESSONS from his life. We haven't gotten there yet.
With much love and wishing all of you the very best,
~Debbie
I am going to share with you some stories and some photos I have not shared before, in hopes that it will bring understanding, as well as make everybody think about how we treat one another.
My life changed drastically on June 25th, 2009. Many people's did. But my life changed in a different way.
Shortly thereafter. I felt a definite calling of the spiritual kind, to take definitive action. To do something that would show the world the truth...to show the world who this man was that had been so vehemently lied about prior to his death with the lies continuing fiercely after his demise.
I have written before about this process, about the spiritual elements involved, about the very spiritual and powerful experiences I had while creating the Reflections on the Dance website.
When I look back on the last 4 1/2 years, it is with a mix of emotion. It has come time, to talk about this in hopes that it will wake us up to what we do to one another and bring about positive change.
What started out as a journey that came deeply from my own heart and that was sparked in the Heavenly realm, became something that I look back on sometimes fondly, with humility as I remember the blessings, and sometimes with sadness and at times, even horror, at all that has taken place.
When I undertook this journey in July of 2009, I knew that it was not going to be easy and was going to bring with it HUGE challenges. I remember feeling in my spirit a sense that God was saying to me "Something HUGE is about to happen and you must be strong." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew I had to go forward with it because I was being called to do so....but I admit that at times it made me shake in my boots.
I was never a "public person". I am a writer by trade and have interviewed other celebrities as well as doing various other genres of writing, but I was not used to my name being more public.
When the website came out, it was met with so much love...from MJ fans, from the public. People were learning the truth and it reached around the globe very quickly without my having to do anything other than posting it on Facebook. Within a few short hours, the site was being seen around the globe, in every continent and country. It was being seen in the English Parliament, the US Government offices, in the middle east, and every place in between. That's God at work.
My goal always was to bring out what God wanted me to bring out...the truth, about Michael Jackson. This was never about me. Only about God, and one of His children, Michael.
As time went on, I met and/or spoke with many people who knew Michael Jackson. Some who had worked with him, some who had been close and personal friends. I was told that Reflections on the Dance was TRUTH....and that made me very emotional as it confirmed to me that God had brought me the right information and the right people, as I would not have been able to portray this man that I had never met, in the way that I did, without Divine intervention. Michael's family was shown the ROTD website through some of these people. I made a lot of new friends...and, at the same time, some enemies.
The more the website was out there, the more contacts I received constantly, with people asking me to help them with their projects. Early on, I felt God had told me that the website must stand on it's own, that I was not to collaborate but to do this mission and then to move forward. It wasn't about me. This was not always looked upon favorably by others (bloggers, others who ran sites, etc.) because they felt that I was being standoffish. But that was never my intention. My sole intention was to do as God asked me to do, and that was all.
Back towards the end of 2011, I was asked to be part of a charity project. I believed from my heart that the person had true intentions and a true heart for Michael and felt I should help. This was a well known person who had worked with tons of famous clients, including Michael. I had no real reason to doubt. But went against my better judgment and against what I had felt God had directed me about. This turned out to be a mistake.
I worked for 4 months straight, 10-12 hours a day, with the promise of being paid for creating the website for this project, once it launched. While Reflections on the Dance has always been non-profit, additional work I do I must take on as paying projects as I cannot work without pay just as any of you cannot on a regular basis. My husband and I pay $1200 a year to keep the website running and online. I was never paid for any of that work and though this person pulled out practically unscathed by allowing me to be the fall guy, it got very fierce for me.
Note to self...giving and helping is one thing. Giving of your heart with the naive thought that everyone else's intentions are as upright as you hope is a no-no.
When this project went belly up due to the promises made to me not being followed through,in addition to fans coming up with and distributing false information without the full facts, about the project, things went bad, quickly.
Lies began to circulate fiercely, along with extreme internet bullying and a fierce smear campaign.
During this time my name and reputation were smeared all over the place and people who did not know me, and just went by what they had heard about me, were saying the most awful things. I was constantly being harrassed and bullied and even people I had thought were friends, attacked.
I knew that my intentions were honest, but no matter what I said or shared or the questions I tried to answer, nothing was good enough. I couldn't get clear answers from the person whose project it was and was left to handle all of the fallout with no answers. I was hired to partner with, but had limited information on the details. My job was to create the website and let the fans know about it, and I was assured everything was on the up and up throughout.
I was beginning to clearly see why God had given me the trepidation about what would come once the site went live and I also began to clearly see why God had given me the directive of the site standing alone and not getting involved in other projects in regards to the website and the subject matter.
During this time, I dropped 20 pounds within about 2 weeks time. Below are some photos from that time. I became skeletal. Lost my appetite. I thought I would end up in the hospital. I was quite ill.
Lies are powerful. Lies can kill the spirit and the body. We knew that was true about Michael Jackson, but we hadn't yet learned the lesson as we continued to turn around and do the same to others. Not only to me...this continued and still continues to this day, even within the fan community itself. A place that should know the lessons of Michael's life, by heart.
The photo above clearly shows how skinny I had gotten. I had no body fat, at all. You can see how thin and bony my arms, wrists and hands were. My family was worried. People I hadn't seen in a while were asking me if I was seriously ill. I was very slight and if I turned to the side, it looked as if there was nothing to me.
These are not photos I have shared before, but felt it was important to show the TRUTH about the damage we can do to one another with our lies, suppositions and a desire to want to bring others down because we want to believe the worst or feel we can reach higher, or that we can feel better about ourselves, if we bring someone else down. Even if it means lying.
This was extreme stress. The people who were lying thought it was a game, thought it was funny, thought it was somehow their mission to say or insinuate things about me that weren't true. They thought it was their way to elevate by bringing someone else down. Some honestly doubted my honest intentions and felt that this was just the "evidence" they had been waiting for.
Fast forward to the healing process, which I have written about before and shared links to. This healing took TIME. My life had to be put on hold even more than it had been as I gave all of my time, attention, effort and help to who I was able to, once the site launched in October 2009.
Because of all of this, I decided to close down the ROTD FB page and to move forward in different ways as I was finding that the community that so embraced the website and what I was doing, was so quick to turn on me because of false information. Or at least a segment of that community. There are of course many loving people with good intentions and honest and pure hearts.
Despite the good and the fact that those with ill intentions were a small portion of the community population....I felt betrayed. By those I tried to help, by the person who had put me in that position. I had given everything for this project and the treatment I was receiving was just unbelievable to me. I was upset at times at God because I had done all He had asked me to do and I could not understand how He would allow such treatment to come at me, falsehoods, lies, character assassination, after I had heeded His call.
We had learned over and over that when you have pure intentions to do good, that people will try to find something wrong with you and they will look for it with abandon until they find something, even a lie, to prove their point.
I just didn't think that the very people who had seen that happen to Michael Jackson, would turn around and do that to me after how much I had given to show the truth about this man. It wasn't so much just what was done to me, but the sadness of how Michael's message, still wasn't being heard, or understood or truly put into practice.
I won't lie. I was hurt. I was tired. I was 2 1/2 years into this and the love turned to bullying and hate. It was disappointing. I wasn't sure if I was to continue the calling. I had many people who were asking me not to quit, and, for the sake of feeling that the Facebook page and the help was still needed, I still tried to keep giving, despite my own misgivings.
This was a definite low in my life and something that I will admit, was not easy to recover from. It made me realize just how difficult it was for Michael Jackson to keep coming back from so many lies, again and again. I was so disheartened. I truly only wanted the truth out there about Michael. The site and nothing I did, was ever about me. It was always about Michael, God, and the Truth.
I would be lying if I didn't say that at times, I have looked back and wondered if it was all worth it. I know the website has affected many and that it helped to change the opinions of many, about a man who was so vehemently lied about throughout his life and even in death. I know that is a true blessing and I'm humbled that God called me to, and allowed me to, do this. But it has not been without much blood, sweat and tears, and a LOT of pain. More so than most of you will ever know.
Fast forward to mid-summer of this year. I had finally recovered and was beginning to embrace life again. I was writing, I was feeling better and getting back into a groove.
Out of the blue, I was approached to be part of a show. First asked to be the creative assistant, and then co-producer. I hesitated, seriously, on this. This was not connected to the website and it was a tribute show, but again, that same subject matter again. I felt called to be there, even if for a short time, because I truly felt that God wanted me to share some things with people who needed to hear it.
But once again, I found myself in a situation where I had worked my butt off for someone else for 3 1/2 months this time, only to once again have what was originally discussed, changed and not being paid yet again for months of work. The way I was treated and spoken to, was inexcusable. The things I put up with, including some really nasty talk, again, inexcusable. But it's not my intention to go into any of this in detail, other than to say, that I felt like, once again, I had allowed my desire to help and to give when I was asked, to help to further clear Michael name and pay tribute to him (until I found out that this was not going to be the case, and that what had been discussed and agreed upon, was never the intention, or, was changed along the way) to once again pull me away from the direction that God wanted me to go in.
I knew very clearly when God told me that my work with the continuation of Reflections on the Dance, was done. But in many ways, this also means a tearing away in other respects.
This does not mean that I don't still stand for the truth about Michael Jackson. ROTD will always remain as it was a project that I feel was given to me by Almighty God (and no, this doesn't make me better in any way....God gives us all things to do, it's whether or not we are listening and heed the call, that makes the difference.).
It is due to all of this, that I will not be involved in anything else.
Many still approach me to be involved in their projects or to be involved in different ways in the fan community. I cannot.
I hope that, after sharing my story, it will be very clear as to why I have to move forward and move in new directions. Why I am not as involved in the fan community at large. Why I cannot and will not be involved any further in any other projects that come up.
I have given all that I have via Reflections on the Dance and it is time for me to move forward and to go in new directions that God has for me.
If God sees fit, then projects I have had in the works before all of this happened, will still come out as time permits and as God chooses. But any outside projects, any fan projects, any shows, any charity events, I cannot be involved in.
As you might imagine, all of this has taken a toll on my life, my time and even at times, my health.
What I truly wish is that in all of that, that something good comes out of it and people continue to learn the truth about a man who was vehemently lied about, and truly learn the LESSONS from his life. We haven't gotten there yet.
With much love and wishing all of you the very best,
~Debbie
